Similar to my list of requirements post. This post is inspired by my most often asked question the past few months.
“Why are you single?”
To be honest I have no idea why so let’s get that out of the way, I get so much joy
deflecting answering this question that I decided to put a humorous spin on it. Let’s face it, a career in stand-up comedy would fit perfectly if I’m still single in 10 years and adopt 20 cats to keep me company.
Sweet Nothings in the Honey Zone.
Not to be mistaken for the Friendzone this is where my brain shelves not only unromantic feelings but possible friendship, also helpful when I can’t remember names (And you thought prisons are overcrowded). This level of hell has lots of meaningless name calling, while they hear ‘honey’ what I really mean is
Yawn !!!!!! If I’ve never used or can’t remember your government name, honey, you’re in trouble.
how do people find themselves in my honey zone you ask? here’s how:
They believe Black Girl Magic is scary
Apparently looking TOO good intimidates and scares off men. (Unverified)
Goodness, I’m one YouTube video away from mastering eyebrow sorcery. I haven’t started contouring lessons, what will happen then? smh
In addition, when you ask a girl how old she is and you decide her answer isn’t good enough as if you’re some sort of club bouncer. When in doubt ask for ID coz vampires exist.
Television is annoying enough with its reruns to the point you question why you bothered watching the shows when you were growing up. Then here you come with your corny ass with the same ol’ boring texts/actions. Also don’t call/text and say “I just wanted to say hi” please proceed to the honey zone and take your friends “hi dear/mami/sister/auntie” with you.
WYD (What You Doing?)
Now there’s nothing wrong with asking what someone is doing. You’re showing interest, that’s a good thing. Under no circumstances should you ever text the following:
‘’I saw you were online 3 hours ago and you didn’t text me’’ no, bye Felipe.
I don’t smile enough
I find it absolutely weird that one is expected to walk around smiling to themselves. Life is not a beauty pageant, smiles shouldn’t be forced. Keep your Joker complex at bay. thank you
“You’re my type”
*sighs* never mind that I have DNA unique to only me. I meet some stereotypical check list, that’s all that matters. You know who else have check lists for physical attributes? Serial killers.
The good guy syndrome
“I’m a good guy”
Sweet baby Jesus. Smh
Is this a super hero movie? Where is your cape?
You don’t get a free pass by simply believing you are “good”. Words go hand in hand with actions
There are no good or bad people, we just live each day and hope we don’t mess up. Besides everyone knows villains are highly misunderstood individuals.
By all means, open the restaurant door for me, just make sure you open it for the other people. That’s right, other people coz you’re a gentleman right? You’re apparently a good guy, why limit your kind deeds to one person?
Okay, serious face now, stop asking why and the how people are single and just enjoy the fact that they are available. And if you get asked this, don’t ever second guess yourself, You. Are. Enough